remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
