Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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