Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
