Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
