we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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