The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
