I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
