Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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