So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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