I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You have to summon your inner elephant
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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