your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
