did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize