Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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