come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
