Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
