before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
