Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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