He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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