The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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