HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
