i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
