yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
