you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
