I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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