so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
