Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
