he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
