they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
