i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
