I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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