sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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