dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
3pm strippers are depressing
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
