good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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