Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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