u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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