woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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