So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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