I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
