i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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