I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
