he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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