I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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