He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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