I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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