if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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