I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
