I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
