May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
