He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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