I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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