It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
