do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
