i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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