i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Randomize
