It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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