I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
