Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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