Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She's the barista slut.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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