Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
