At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
