Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
