Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
