just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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