I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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