Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
