Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
