Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
