Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
