Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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