Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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