whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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