I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
