I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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