I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
