cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
