But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
