dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
