I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
