i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Can I color on your dick again?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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