I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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