Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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