My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
