we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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